Home Purchases and Arranged Marriages
Fitzpatrick-My husband likes to recount the story of a recently-deceased uncle who refused the early 20th century Armenian tradition of arranged marriage in favor of a match of his own choice:
“I saw what happened to my sister,” my husband says his Uncle Luke said. “The parents came over. They got the two got in the car. They took a few drives around the block, and it was over.”
In the space of maybe two hours, two lives changed course.
I feel this way about the purchase of our new house. We drove past it a few times. We viewed it online. And since the owners were still occupying, and the husband was convalescing with terminal cancer--in the house--the pass-through with our realtor lasted all of an awkward ten minutes. We were given one hour to perform our building inspection.
After spending less time on the property than I often spend selecting a pair of shoes, we made one of the larger decisions, and purchases, of our lives.
Except perhaps for the terminally-ill owner, our story is not unique. Rarely is a prospective buyer given the opportunity to simply canoodle about in a house, to be present when the sun rises, when it sets, to watch where on the floor the full moon’s beams fall, to feel through which windows the evening breeze whispers.
So like marrying an almost complete stranger, there is a surreal period when you move in. Things reveal themselves: he has a mole on the back of his right thigh, the softest skin on his body is on the tops of his feet; the switch to the garbage disposal is under the sink, the full moon rise from the pool is spectacular. You notice things you can’t believe you missed: He chews with his mouth open and laughs like Woody Woodpecker; there’s a terrarium beside the fireplace— complete with hose spigot and grow light—and most of the electrical outlets are two-pronged.
This is my first home purchase, and being a designer, everyone keeps telling me I’m going to jump right in and make it what I want it to be.
But is this the right thing to do? In this marriage, am I here to make it what I want it to be, or love it for what it is without trying to change it? (Or at least, BEFORE trying to change it?).
“I saw what happened to my sister,” my husband says his Uncle Luke said. “The parents came over. They got the two got in the car. They took a few drives around the block, and it was over.”
In the space of maybe two hours, two lives changed course.
I feel this way about the purchase of our new house. We drove past it a few times. We viewed it online. And since the owners were still occupying, and the husband was convalescing with terminal cancer--in the house--the pass-through with our realtor lasted all of an awkward ten minutes. We were given one hour to perform our building inspection.
After spending less time on the property than I often spend selecting a pair of shoes, we made one of the larger decisions, and purchases, of our lives.
Except perhaps for the terminally-ill owner, our story is not unique. Rarely is a prospective buyer given the opportunity to simply canoodle about in a house, to be present when the sun rises, when it sets, to watch where on the floor the full moon’s beams fall, to feel through which windows the evening breeze whispers.
So like marrying an almost complete stranger, there is a surreal period when you move in. Things reveal themselves: he has a mole on the back of his right thigh, the softest skin on his body is on the tops of his feet; the switch to the garbage disposal is under the sink, the full moon rise from the pool is spectacular. You notice things you can’t believe you missed: He chews with his mouth open and laughs like Woody Woodpecker; there’s a terrarium beside the fireplace— complete with hose spigot and grow light—and most of the electrical outlets are two-pronged.
This is my first home purchase, and being a designer, everyone keeps telling me I’m going to jump right in and make it what I want it to be.
But is this the right thing to do? In this marriage, am I here to make it what I want it to be, or love it for what it is without trying to change it? (Or at least, BEFORE trying to change it?).
permalink
